Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Ah, the elderly, the easiest target in society. Health problems? Check. Good ol' days? Check. Slow? Check. Early to rise? Check. The first ones left to die in any movie/real life situation? Check.
|"Hurry! Murder She Wrote is coming on soon."|
We should hunt them. As soon as these space occupying dust gatherers hit 70, it's off to the Reserve. I mean, why not? It would solve at least 40% of traffic jams, plus no more painful mourning. Just kill em and skin em. No harm, no foul, no more calls about how to fix the damn TV. Plus, make it a reality show, you could make millions. Send them all into a parking garage and have at it. I mean this is the most respectful way possible of course, they would get to choose the weapons you could use. Just imagine how many parking spaces at bingo there would be.
|Just one bullet and the beach house is yours.|
|Plus this is just fucking revolting.|
Starvation. It usually plagues countries filled with minorities. Some say in 20 years time, our world will be full of minorities and thus, we will all be starving. But we can turn back the clocks of doom and wither away the growing population problem by simply expanding what is acceptable to put on our plates. That's right, I'm saying it: It's time we start eating people.
|Cannibalism can be seen all across the animal kingdom|
|This selfish prick helped himself to Dee's Nuts|
|C'mon McDonald's make my dream of the McFetus come true!|
Friday, October 22, 2010
|How can you be against these double D's?|
Finally, when mankind sacked up and made metal our bitch, then drunk driving became an issue. Since we can go faster, jump higher, and hit poles at incredible speeds all of the sudden it's time for awareness. I don't need you to tell me how much I can and cannot drink before I decide to take my 2000 lb car out for a spin. That's stepping in my freedom pie, and I am a goddamn American!
|Three slices of Freedom Pie.|
|CRADD: Child Rapists Against Drunk Driving|
These days, children are forced to shoulder more and more burdens than ever before. Not only do they go to school but we cram their already busy schedules with extra-curricular activities and play dates. How the hell is a bored uncle supposed to molest a child these days? It's no wonder ADD and autism is on the rise these days. And if there ever was one way to kill two birds with one stone, alcohol is a heat-seeking boulder.
|If these girls got an earlier start, they'd be too morbid with the World|
to look this stupid.
|Pets shouldn't pay the price for Youth Sobriety|
|A young drunk is so much more manageable|
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Taken the morning after Booboo's slow and painful death...
De Sade has a cat, Phylicia Shauntelle. She's a single mother living with AID's on welfare and disability. She likes press-on nails and "Mo'ree Poh'vitch".
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Child porn is magical. The veal cut of all pornagraphic materials. For some reason, since the 1830's, pedophilia has been shunned in the West. At one point in history, it was a common practice back in the day of Ancient Greece. (You know, those folks who brought us civilized thought and democracy). Furthermore, how can a society just completely dismiss something if they haven't tried it?! Trust this wise reader, the tenderness and purity is something you can never cleanse your palette of. If you don't know where to start, search for Eastern European origin; its to child porn what Bordeaux is to wines. Lip smacking, toe-curling, ball-draining yummers.
|Most child porn stars follow in Mom's footsteps|
|From 4Chan, a pedo-bear's nest if you will|
Starring in a video is a great way to lose one's virginity. 1) You're likely working with a pro who's done this before and can gently walk you through the process. 2) You're going to have video of a memory that will last a lifetime! A gem you could pass on to your children and their children's children. 3) You can know that what you do makes a difference in a lonely man's life somewhere out there (likely Japan or video game enthusiast from the Bible Belt). Child porn is a God send. A TRUE GOD SEND! And that's a John Paul the Second quote, yeah, THAT GUY!
A crowd favorite in rural communities and Mexico. Not quite illegal in a few states. Certainly a reasonable alternative, plus it's pretty much condoned by the Bible.
|Thou shall not spill thy seed for there be some fine bitches|
|Her father won the Preakness|
|Ignorance is bliss|
GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE!
|Or, get your high horse off.|
Monday, October 18, 2010
The days of holding doors open must come to an end. This societal alimony we call chivalry is too taxing on our equality, patience, and reason. As Texas T points out, they don't deserve it. They're second-class.
|Typical New Jersey Breed Bitch|
We can all learn a lot from the misunderstood Prophet Mel Gibson, and the perfectly understood Prophet Muhammed. Bitches need to know their place and the fist is the tools by which we are able to show them. A good wallop every now and then is healthy for a woman. Men aren't built to receive so much backsass and demands all the same time. Why not hit a woman? You want to have the right to get off this sinking ship first with all the children? You want equality but courtesy at the same time? Why? Because you birth child? I have to put up with your face and body in old age, shouldn't I get my share of courtesies?!
Furthermore, we just sit back and watch Ray Romano and the fat guy from King of Queens just constantly take crap from their wives every week on television. Forced to carryout all the chores, sleeping on sofas, and repeatedly fed the message that housewifery is hard work (BITCH PLEASE). Fuck these Barnard attending uppity bitches! Lifetime movies and biopics of women who've accomplished so much and what not, come on... Bitch its called HIStory, not HERstory! No one likes listening to what you have to say. You know why you never accomplished anything? Because like Ray Romano's wife all you do is talk shit, you are haters! You just run around bad mouthing us to the other prospective tuna bins. My penis ain't adequate? Your tits can't even fill my man sized palm! Cum dumpsters everywhere, you have been forewarned, our treaty of Bordeaux has been revoked. Chivalry has expired!
Women are, to say the least, 2nd class citizens. If you disagree, clearly you should be in the kitchen.
|No internet when there are sandwiches to be made.|
|Yep, Ballet. That just happened.|
In conclusion, because it feels like I'm going into more depth than women can handle, let me tell you this: The only reason we men need you around is for food and fucking.
|What did a woman say once?|
"Have your cake, and eat it too."
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Stepping on the many to please the few. - Jesus, Book of Books
Two outsiders. Hipster haters. Who upon ascending their respective social pyramids took a step back and shuttered in disgust at the seemingly endless loop of stupidity. (refer to diagram)
They convened with the 28th Order of the Shaolin in the Nepalese mountains. There, under guidance and nourishment, the trio gathered their knowledge, wits, and sanity and thus these words of wisdom were unleashed upon the Earth. (Below Chief Monk Swami)
The duo wishes everyone who visits this blog first free themselves of their preconceived mindsets, their dull personalities, their prudence which shackles their creativity, and their sensitivity which shelters them in comfort. Open your minds and close your hearts for the Age of Enlightenment is upon us.
And now, a few words about your deserved and dedicated Gurus:
Adam De Sade: Adam was born into Nobility in the cosmopolitan branch of an old French family, the François'. He spent summers in Monte Carlo where he developed his world renown expertise in foreskin re-growth in an attempt to help the fledgling Monte Carlan Jews assimilate. This former darling of the bestiality scene comes from money older than ancient Egypt. And yet, he still managed to amass a Rothschild-esque fortune in his rich man's black-market production of snuff films and child porn. His films included forgotten members of Eastern European royalty which appealed to the classiest clientele who were willing to pay record fees in the hundreds of millions. He served as a confidant to both the current and previous Pope.
Texas T: A pseudonym adopted because of his oily skin, little is known about this lost and found soul. Rumors abound that he was born in Detroit and raised by wolves, others state he came from an orphanage in the Canadian Rockies and was raised by wolves. While his origins are not known, how he came to be is a well documented and amazing story. One morning, when he was a teenager, he was eating a piece of cake at a local grocery and caught the eye of a modelling agent. He was asked to pose for a few photos. Next thing you know, he's naked, crying, and a few hundred dollars wealthier. Deciding that his lack of morals and a gag reflex could lead to more money he quickly rose through the ranks of male escorts famously becoming Tiger Woods' mister number 1. Before the publicity storm had reached it's climax he left the country, waiting to return.
Yeah, that's right I'm yelling at all you who are too lazy to get up out of your chair and walk up the stairs. You are the reason our economy is in the shitter.
|You painted your stumps? Let me guess,|
you also studied the Liberal Arts? Hippies.
Lastly, and I've done these in the order I'd pick them for dodgeball, the physically disabled. Wheelchairs, crutches, canes, even a limp these are the biggest group of pussies I've ever even heard of. I'd sit here and berate you with facts about how it's more work for me to walk into a store than it is for someone to roll there, but I have some semblance of a conscience. Plus, there have been movies and TV shows made about fixing the Para Olympics. I'd just be beating a dead horse. Don't they kill horses if their legs don't work?
|Field Trip to the Glue Factory|
Today was the last day I will move to the back of the bus for possessing an above 70 I.Q. Retarded people are privileged with looking young for their entire life, should they also be entitled to a "special status" in a modern society like ours? They seem to be the only people on Earth who don't pity themselves, why should we?
Mexicans agree, they take up the jobs that would have gone to them (kitchen work at fast food restaurants, walmart greeters, human traffic cones) but for an exponentially higher salary. Including benefits like those nifty sweaters only their round headed selves could pull off wearing.
These welfare queens sit on thrones of pity. And when they roam the streets, given at their incredibly slow pace, they hurl derogatory remarks at us, laugh behind our backs, and drool on our sidewalks. It's time America grew weary of their agenda: WE WANNA BE JUST LIKE YOU! You do, do you? So take your handicaps like a man, put down the glue, and start asking the big questions like the rest of us! Oh wait, thats right you already believe in God. A God who made you 'estrah speshall'. You're a fucking menace to society!
I'de get started on their version of the Olympics, but my blood is boiling as is... Till next time, stay equal America. No one's special. NO ONE.
You know what happens when people become HIV positive? They lose all of my sympathy, as well as 40% of their body weight.
|You can get your sympathy from Hallmark, Mr. Hanks|
This Sunday will mark the third week the NFL has succumbed to the Awareness Nazis of Madison Avenue: Players across the League are forced to wear embarassing shoes, armbands, and hats with the color pink. The color of weakness and the good kind of nipples. Didn’t the news of the last holdout of Breast Cancer Unawares deep in the Amazon come out over a decade ago?! Who isn’t aware of breast cancer?
For the 30th year in a row, Breast Cancer tops the chart of “Sexiest Cancers of the Year”. Even members of the Illinois “Itty-Bitty-Titty-Committee,” have come out in condemnation of the NFL’s decision stating “Breasts everywhere have more, (less actually), pressing matters in bra”.
“The statistics are startling” says the re-animated corpse of Charles S. Kettering, the father of modern cancer research. He added “320 out of every 100 dollars donated to cancer charities goes toward breast cancer while the other cancers are left to claw at the scraps of removed tissue.”
1 out of every 80 breast cancer patients will succumb to the disease, and while this is a slight tragedy, the Carcinogenic Holocaust goes unnoticed. 8 out of 10 victims of Penile Cancer die an embarassing death, closed coffin and all. 3 out of 5 patients who suffer from Prostate Cancer die within months. Colon cancer eats at 82% of its victims from the inside out. Testicular cancer seems to be at an alltime high, with an average of 20 castrations a week being carried out in operating rooms in hospitals around the country. But, plastic surgeons crocodile tears would have you pity the women who technically receive upgrades after they lose their appendages.
Enough is enough America! Let us be aware that too much awareness is not a good thing! Come now, let us turn a blind Sudanese eye to this “affliction,” our apathy would be more fitting.