Saturday, October 23, 2010

Why Send Grandpa to the Home?

by Texas T

Ah, the elderly, the easiest target in society. Health problems? Check. Good ol' days? Check. Slow? Check. Early to rise? Check. The first ones left to die in any movie/real life situation? Check.

"Hurry! Murder She Wrote is coming on soon."

The elderly have long been an almost dead weight on our society. Taking up space, wasting our time, and eating all the soft foods our growing babies need and deserve. What if there was a way to solve our problem with them? A way to make sure they don't waste precious things and won't squabble your potential inheritance on lotto tickets and lap dances. Well that would be an amazing solution. One that just might be crazy enough to work.

We should hunt them. As soon as these space occupying dust gatherers hit 70, it's off to the Reserve. I mean, why not? It would solve at least 40% of traffic jams, plus no more painful mourning. Just kill em and skin em. No harm, no foul, no more calls about how to fix the damn TV. Plus, make it a reality show, you could make millions. Send them all into a parking garage and have at it. I mean this is the most respectful way possible of course, they would get to choose the weapons you could use. Just imagine how many parking spaces at bingo there would be.

Just one bullet and the beach house is yours.

What about the corpses? Wouldn't they occupy the same space as the living bodies? Not if we ate them. Think, yes you may say cannibalism is brutish and perhaps a bit taboo, but think of the benefits. World hunger, solved in a matter of days. An entire new branch of cuisine to undertake. Plus, old people are somewhere close to 94% pudding, they'd be delicious. That sounds like a two birds and one stone solution to our problems. Until the world opens it's eyes and sees that this is a viable option, expect overcrowding and starving.

Plus this is just fucking revolting.

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