Sunday, October 17, 2010

Laziness In America

by Texas T

Yeah, that's right I'm yelling at all you who are too lazy to get up out of your chair and walk up the stairs. You are the reason our economy is in the shitter.
You painted your stumps? Let me guess,
you also studied the Liberal Arts? Hippies.

Not just any lazy group, I'm talking the handicapped. These freewheeling, freeloading bastards are taking away valuable taxpayer money for prime parking spots and ramps. Seriously, they even have their own Olympics. What a serious group of elitists, all of the sudden because I have both legs and functioning eyes I can't race in your hurdle race? Fuck you. This is an issue that, much like Bieber Fever, is plaguing America.

First, let us take a look into the world of the blind. They can't see the benefits, but they sure as hell use em. For instance, a lack of sight and a need to get from one place to another requires a stick. Over any given walk the stick may run into trees, cracks in the sidewalk, the edge of a cliff, or even small mammals some actual life saving advantages. One thing I conveniently left out for dramatic purposes was the attack on America's ankles. You know what we call that in the visual world? Assault with a dangerous weapon.
Book him!!!
Secondly, you know what I can't stand hearing about? The deaf. Honestly, they are one of America's largest gangs, they even have a language spoken with their hands. Sending signals at great distances, their goal is world domination. Not content to sit by as second class citizens and play the hand they were dealt, there are even different dialects of the language. Pretty soon when you call customer service lines it's gonna be "for sign language press 3" and I'll be damned if I have to wait for options like that when I'm trying to fix my membership to Us Weekly. What could be worse? Oh, right! They've infiltrated the highest levels of society.

Lastly, and I've done these in the order I'd pick them for dodgeball, the physically disabled. Wheelchairs, crutches, canes, even a limp these are the biggest group of pussies I've ever even heard of. I'd sit here and berate you with facts about how it's more work for me to walk into a store than it is for someone to roll there, but I have some semblance of a conscience. Plus, there have been movies and TV shows made about fixing the Para Olympics. I'd just be beating a dead horse. Don't they kill horses if their legs don't work?
Field Trip to the Glue Factory

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